By: Yemarah Dallas
What makes you happy? Are you happy? What would make you happier?
Randye Kaye, a celebrated radio personality, writer, and mental health advocate, recently visited University of Bridgeport to discuss these important questions with UB students. In her book, “Happier Made Simple,” Kaye describes strategies for cultivating a happy mindset. During her talk, a Necessary Voices lecture sponsored by UB’s English Department, she spoke to nearly 50 students on finding their own happiness.
Randye Kaye commanded attention the moment the lecture hall’s mic turned on. She wanted as many students as possible to sit in the first three rows, throwing away the possibility of distraction. We soon learned she wanted us in sets of two for icebreaker activities. Kaye instructed us to introduce ourselves, mention something we like to do, and share what challenges our happiness while in college. I mentioned to my partner in this activity that I like to read and that a certain science class was a pain point for me.
Next, we took a survey that led to conversations about things that challenge our happiness. Athletics, test taking, leadership positions, and overall academics were cited as causing feelings of unhappiness, but Kaye had an explanation. “Our brain is not wired to keep us happy,” she said. “Our brain is wired to keep us alive, and being happy is our responsibility.” Kaye went on to share that 40% of our happiness is our own responsibility.
“If I only had one _____, I would be much happier.”
Kaye’s mission was to encourage us to have better self-talk, but first, she had to dispel myths about ourselves. She asked us to answer this prompt: If only I had _______, I would be much happier.
My mind went blank when it came to writing down a realistic desire, so I wrote, “If only I lived as a celebrity ‘nepo baby,’ I would be much happier.” My classmates had less delusional desires, including money, body image, finding love, and graduating.
Shifting our mindset
With that, we were introduced to the idea of managing our expectations. The second strategy Kaye shared was balancing life with the right amount of stress. At that point in the lecture, she told us that our reaction to the world matters. She prescribed a simple substitution for our troubles, encouraging us to change “I have” to “I get.”
For example, consider replacing the statement, “I have to go to school,” with “I get to go to school.” This simple change in word choice makes school sound less like a stressful obligation and more like a unique opportunity. “Words have power,” said Kaye. “Words lead you to a better place. The words you say to other people lead you somewhere.”
I left this lecture with more awareness. Much of what Kaye shared reinforced familiar ideas about mindfulness and positivity. Affirmations, distractions, self-worth, memory, and self-improvement all come back to the notion of appreciating life. It’s important to remember that life continues outside our rooms or whatever real or proverbial walls we confine ourselves in. I was reminded to be here now. Even when, on most days, I wish to be at the MET Gala gossiping with fellow celebs, I still connect with my friends every day. We are all connected.
About the writer:
Since the age of twelve, Yemarah Dallas has been writing personal narratives, poems, and stories. She is also passionate about books, fashion, movies, and creativity. She is currently a student at University of Bridgeport pursuing a bachelor’s in English and Professional Writing.
Human connection is at the heart of the “Necessary Voices” speaker series hosted by UB’s English Department. UB students hear from voices not unlike their own — diverse and creative thought leaders of today whose origin stories may look and feel like that of our students. From athletes and authors to visionaries and public servants, this series brings these voices to UB to empower and inspire students to reshape their thinking and look forward to their future.